Monday, May 05, 2008


I think I've decided that the emotional recovery from surgery is much worse than the physical one.

I spent most of yesterday in tears... not because I was in physical pain (although there's plenty of that, too), but because I was just sad and frustrated and, well... I just felt like crying!

It's really hard to go from being the multitasking mom, who basically takes care of everyone and everything in the house, to being the patient, who isn't allowed to do much of anything. I'm just supposed to take my meds and lie in bed? What?? That concept is totally foreign to me. And even though it sounds like it should be a heavenly "vacation" of sorts, it's actually really difficult.

I'm no stranger to depression. And anytime I feel really depressed, I sleep... a lot. When I can't handle all that's been heaped on my plate at any given time and just feel overwhelmed with life in general, I sleep. And cry. And sleep some more.

It usually takes medication and lots of talking to my sorry self in the mirror to come out of one of those bouts of depression. Yet, here I find myself taking medication that induces sleep and worthlessness, and everyone yelling at me to "get in bed!" and "get some rest!" and "don't worry about what's going on with the kids/dogs/house/bills/etc!"

Really, one little surgery and the loss of one little ovary have pretty much turned the world as I knew it upside down.

But I'm recovering... physically and emotionally... one step at a time. And I'm already looking forward to the day when I'm back to normal and my kids are demanding things outta me and I'm allowed to once again run myself ragged.


meliss said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
meliss said...

((HUGS FRIEND)) That out of control feeling is one that I'm sure you aren't used to. I will say a prayer that you will feel like yourself once again, REAL soon, so you can get back to yelling at dogs and chasing kids. In the mean time, try to keep your chin up and your butt in bed. ;)

Diane said...

Whenever I think of you crying I think of two things: 1,(which I wasn't even there for!) were those times you used to go to that country bar and cry, and 2, the time we were in the on campus apartment and you were sick and crying into the phone. Do you remember either of those things? I'm not giving all the details - because everyone doesn't need to know all our secrets. Don't those times seem like forever ago? Don't they in some weird way make you laugh out loud? We both know I am no good at giving pep talks, I'm only good at making stupid attempts to take your mind off your troubles. So I hope you feel better soon and if you start feeling sad again, just keep in mind that the same night you were crying into the phone Pauline was wondering around campus trying to find that weird boy Dan she had a crush on...and was that after she pounded on my door when I was hanging out with George?
In fact, if you need a good laugh don't worry about anything else I wrote - just remember George. That should make you laugh plenty!

Jennifer said...


and just like every other time, it gets better. Don't forget I'm just a phone call away if you feel like crying to someone else. =;)